Why My Life Sucks

Voltaren twice a day 50 mg  (For joint pain.  Mainly my left arm, but both knees act up at times)
Cymbalta twice a day 30mg (So I’m not a danger to self or others)
Lorazepam up to twice a day 2mg (Anti panic attack)
Adderall twice a day 10mg (ADHD medication)
Temazepam bed time 30 mg (in theory 15mg or 30 but based on history, 30mg) (Sleep aid)
Lamictal bedtime 200mg (Mood stabilizer)

That works out to 11 pills a day,assuming I don’t have a migraine.  Having a migraine will add from 2 to 5 more pills.  I laugh at your silly commercials that compare pill counts taken  for OTC pain medications.

My Sunday game was called, due to sickness and the Superbowl. I’ve been taking care of Mother for the last two days and have to take her to the doctor later today.

My tea kettle broke, which means I fell back on boiling water on the stove. It may be the in my mind but tea made with actual boiling water taste better than tea made by super-heating (i.e microwaved), and damn sure taste better than tea made with the “hot water” tap on a retail shop’s coffee machine.

We have also established this weekend who the Alpha critter in the house is. Keenii, the cat. Otto, the Alpha Dog gives space to her. Of course Ashley, the other cat, doesn’t really care and is friends with the dogs. She does what she wants to do regardless, so it could be argued that she is alpha.

Back from the urgent care place. Mother has a broken ankle bone.  They gave her a script for pain meds and a metal boot.  Well, metal and velcro boot.

Mother tripped and fell. Twisted her ankle, so I’m taking care of her today.  There is a trip to the local urgent card place in my near future, plus fixing the local version of $WeSellUsedMacs’ web site.

We have about 1/2 inch of ice over every thing, and it’s still coming down. The Google weather wigit says we should be getting snow later in the day. Oddly this front didn’t trigger a migraine. Mother doesn’t want me to drive her car on the ice, so I am staying home. I’ll try and get some photo of ice encrusted stuff later today.

They don’t mix.   I took my normal bed time medicine, to include the sleep aids, then set my clock to go off at 2:00 AM.  Slept right through it.  Which means work today is going to be trickier than normal.

I woke up this morning at 3:50 AM with a splitting migraine. Took meds, sent boss an email saying I wasn’t sure if I would be in, went back to bed. Got up at 5:00 and took another. Another at 6:00 It’s now 7:00. I’ve taken the 4th of the allowed 5 epirin. There may be a trip to the ER in my future. Already warned my mother. And I can’t drive for a few hours either, so it’s going to be late getting to work.

I’ve started to get a rash on my chest and arms. Not good. This means I’m off Lamictal and back to 10 mg Zyprexa, which works, more or less, just makes me gain weight. If the rash doesn’t go away in a couple of days, it means it’s most likely not Lamictal, but something else. Right now, I’m not sure what I want, I just want to be able to work a full day this is driving me up a tree.

Trying to cut down on real junk food, so during this weeks raid on the grocery store, instead of the massive amount of cookies and candies we normally get, I got nuts and dried fruit. Can’t hurt and might help in that drop 25 lbs thing I’ve got going.

If you are taking Cymbalta, it’s really in your best interest to eat a high fiber diet. If I go off my high fiber diet for a day or two, sure enough, I can expect type 1 or type 2 stools Those hurt. Type 2 can hurt a lot. From the official Cymbalta page

The most common side effect of Cymbalta was nausea. Other common side effects included dry mouth, sleepiness, constipation, decreased appetite, and, increased sweating. This is not a complete list of side effects.

Yeah, they do that. I don’t get the dry mouth or the nausea, but I do get the rest of them.

It’s not just Cymbalta, at least to me. Every psychoactive medication I have taken seems to give me constipation. It’s something I’ve learned to live with and why I eat large amounts of high fiber cereal, on the days I eat. See decreased appetite.

I’m bipolar. I have Aspergers. I have migraines. I’m dyslexic. Those four alone makes my view of the world some what different than base line human. I don’t pay that much attention to popular culture. I have a very limited number of TV shows I watch (NCIS, Mythbusters, House MD, Law and Order CI, Burn Notice,Top Chef and Project Runway). Even then most of the time I watch on my DVR which means that I don’t see ads very often. I listen to NPR on the radio, which also cuts way down on the ads. I don’t watch sports of any sort. I don’t drink mega-brew beer.

I use Firefox on Linux as my primary web browser. I have Adblock Plus installed and have a pretty good set of filter attached to it, which means I don’t see internet ads either. Because I’m not using Windows, I don’t have the constant fight against malware, either at home or at work (work machine is a G5 iMac).

My primary means of entertainment is table top role playing games. This does involve contact with other people, they more or less live in my world, or at least understand what my world is.

This lack of contact with the main stream rises up and bites me in the butt every once and while, but all and all, I think I like my world better than the real world. Well, other than the migraines and bipolar part.

I’m migraine free this morning. This is good. I really didn’t want to go to the ER on New Years Day.

While not 100% under control, it’s at least under control enough to not go the ER over, however if it’s still going on in the morning, we are going to St. Johns.

If I can’t get this sucker under control by noon or so, I’m going to the hospital for STRONG DRUGS.   It sort of got under control after taking 5 epidrin yesterday, but I woke up this morning not really being able to see out of my right eye and a the start of a migraine.  Took epidrin and the rest of my morning meds.  Needless to say I’m not going to work.

I know I’ve said it before, and I’m sure I’ll say it again, but they suck and suck hard. I woke up at 4:30 AM with a migraine. Took 2 epidrin and went back to bed. Very strange dream followed. Got up a 6:55 and took another epidrin. Right now I’m feeling the pressure but the epidrin has fooled me into not thinking it’s not pain. I’m also goofed up on goof balls, to turn a phrase. Not going into to work until I’m over this.

In no particular order:

• Find a place for The Darling Wife and I to start over
• Loose weight. If going off of Zyprea alone doesn’t do it, hit the gym. Ideal weight would be 180 or so
• Get my shit together with regards to work or get on disability
• Get at least one “module” in all 3 games I play “published”
• Drop corn syrup based soda and snacks from my diet. (Note: to self, order some Dublin Doctor Pepper)

I may add to this list as the New Year approaches.

For the last 2 months I’ve had either Type 2 or Type 6. Give my body’s normal reaction to stress, plus “may cause constipation” as a side effect of most the meds I take this really isn’t a surprise. Of course, some times I get both at the same time. “cork in a bottle”. Those are shits to remember. Of course I just have to say “Bristol Stool Chart” because it’s fun to say. Also leads to weird search engine results.

Bleh

Voltaren twice a day 50 mg
Cymbalta twice a day 30mg
Lorazepam up to twice a day 2mg
Adderall twice a day 10mg
Temazepam bed time 30 mg (in theory 15mg or 30 but based on history, 30mg)

For the next 2 weeks:
Lamictal bedtime 25mg
Zyprexa bedtime 10mg

For the 2 weeks after that:
Lamictal bedtime 50mg
Zyprexa bedtime 5mg

After that:
Lamictal bedtime 100mg

I see the doctor after I’ve done a week on Lamictal alone.

Things that need to be talked about
1) “Weepy”
2) Withdrawn
3) Sleep patterns shot to hell and back
4) Panic attacks at work

Hopefully we will make some progress on at least one of these.

For the 4th Christmas in a row, I find my self totally broke, as in I owe the bank money AFTER I make my deposit. Days like today make it hard to keep going. Panic attack at 10:15 at work, followed by finding that I’m over drawn by more than my check was for. Going to make going to the doctor tricky, it is.

I hate migraines and every thing about them. I missed a day of work due to one yesterday and based on how I feel right now, I may miss today.

On Dec 11, 2009.

That makes me 50.

What can I say? I’m 50, bipolar and living with my mother. I hope and pray that today with The Darling Wife goes the way I want it to, and that some time soon I get to start my life over, with her. This last year has really sucked. The next has got to be better or I don’t know what I’m going to do. I can’t make it through a days work. The meds are helping some, but not enough.

I’ve been planing my life around a lot of things changing around the turn of the year. Gaming stuff, work stuff, life stuff. Please God, let some of my plans work I can’t keep this up much longer.

I hate migraines. If some one came up to me and said that they could either cure my bipolar or my migraines I’m pretty sure I’d go with cure the migraines.

Of course that’s because I’m on day 3 of a come and go migraine and my don’t make me unstable meds are working more or less.

I know, I’m just randomly bitching, but damn it I hate migraines.

My meds fall into 3 groups
1) Meds to make it so I don’t hurt self or others
2) Meds so I can work
3) Meds so I can sleep or not be in pain.

The tricky part is getting something in each group that works, but doesn’t screw up the others or have side effects. I think my current load does this, for now, if and only if I take my morning pills at the crack of dawn or there abouts. This shouldn’t be a problem as I’m not a late sleeper normally, but the side effects of Invega (i.e. makes you sleepy) mixed with my “normal” dose of Temazepam has resulted in me sleeping “late” and not getting my meds on time. Not any more! Changed all the alarm clocks so that I’m back to getting up at 6:45-7:00 again.

PS That’s 6:45 in the AM every morning, not just working days. Add in the fact that mother is keeping 3rd shift hours (i.e. she gets up around 5:00 PM, goes to bed around 7:00 AM) you can see my hours are going to be a bit odd.

PPS If your one of the people (Mother, Random Dafyadd, The Darling Wife etc.) that might need to know my current meds,the current doctor’s orders is kept in the white bag in “My” bathroom, in the doll shelf over the toilet. Most, if not all, of the drugs are in that area as well.

OK, here is the current meds list:
Morning (and by morning I mean before 7:00 if I want them to take effect by time work starts)
Voltaren 50mg
Cymbalta 30mg
Lorazepam 2mg
Adderall 10mg

Lunch time
Lorazepam 2mg
Adderall 10mg

Bed(ish) time
Voltaren 50mg
Cymbalta 30mg
Temazepam (15mg, 30 if needed, but try to keep it to 15mg)
Invega 6mg

Forgetting to take my morning meds results in a totally shot day, i.e. today, with very little done. I have got to get up early and take my meds in time or work will not only suffer, it will not get done.

Once it gets dark out, and assuming the humans aren’t doing something with a food stuff she likes, you will find Keenii right here. Until morning, unless she is mice hunting. This makes making the bed a bit tricky at times, plus limits what I can do in the bed as well. I really am not complaining, just stating facts. Plus she purrs and lays on my chest a lot, which does help with the dark times. It’s quite possible she why I made it through some of them.

I’m coming off of Zyprexa and onto Invega. Early reports found on the interwebs give me high hopes. Among other things it may have some effect on some of my other issues. I’m taking half doses of Zyprexa and Invega for a week, then going to 6mg Invega.

When I started to have a panic attack I would quietly chant this:

It sometimes helped. I think I’m going to start again, even with the drugs.

I’m back on Zyprexa at least until I see the doctor again. I’m pretty much muscle pain free but feel like crap due to the lack of a mood stabilizer.

I’m off my mood stabilizers today, at my doctors orders, to see if Geodon is causing my muscle pain. Early indicators is that it is. I don’t want to go back on Zyprex because I don’t want to weight 200+ pounds but on the other hand I would really like to not be in pain all the time. I’ll update this later today as the test goes on.